What does life owe you?

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Devotional Blog:

Topic: “Take Responsibility”, 01/25/2012, Romans 13:1-7, Galatians 6:5, 2 Corinthians 5:10

It’s her fault. It’s his fault. It’s their fault. The dog did it…

Kid’s Excuses:

  1. One child to another: Whenever you tell a big fat lie to get away with breaking an ornament, vase etc.  Tell your mum, dad etc. that it threw itself off of the mantle piece, table etc and then add in that you always believed that there was something out there!
  2. Mom:  Where’s your report card?  You:  Um, mommy I’m really sorry and everything.  But I didn’t do it or anything but you know how I walk to school?  Well, the bell rang and I went to my locker to put it in my backpack and some very mean kids took it and started playing monkey in the middle then someone yelled that there was a big fight so the kids dropped it and ran outside.  Then, I was walking home & was looking at it and a dog chased me and got it and chewed it up!  Sorry!
  3. I do what the cheerios tell me.
  4. When I was little, I cut up my sheets, my excuse was, “Jesus did it!”
  5. The clowns made me do it…I sware!

Excuses given to police officers:

  1. One night many years ago I was on patrol and observed a vehicle blow through a red light at a major intersection. There had been plenty of time to stop, yet the vehicle had not even slowed down. I stopped the car and asked the young female driver why she had done that. The girl told me she had just had her brakes repaired, it had been very expensive, and she DIDN’T WANT TO WEAR THEM DOWN! Usually I give people a pass if I haven’t heard their excuse before, but in this case she got the ticket. …………………………………. Submitted by… Dave Hoffman, Sergeant, Naperville IL PD

  2. I stopped a car in a rural area of our county for going 80 MPH in a 55 MPH zone. The driver explained that he had a bee flying around his head so he sped up to 80, hoping that the bee couldn’t fly that fast and would not be able to fly out of the back seat area to get at him…..Submitted by…Gary Lenon, Mecosta County Sheriff Department, Michigan.

Amazing what we say to avoid blame not only as children but as adults as well. Continue reading →

God said wha???

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Devotional Blog:

Topic: “Confused?…go Back”, 01/24/2012, Jeremiah 24: 6-7

How does one ‘hear’ from God? This is a loaded topic for me…

“I will give them hearts that will recognize me as the Lord. They will be my people, and I will be their God, for they will return to me wholeheartedly” -NIV, Jeremiah 24:7

 

“After the earthquake came a fire, but the LORD was not in the fire. And after the fire came a gentle whisper.” -NIV, 1 Kings 19:12

 

“He who has an ear, let him hear what the Spirit says to the churches.” -NIV, Rev 3:22

Confused? Always. I bumble my path routinely in an effort to ‘hear’ God and know what his plan and purpose for my life is. I say the prayers, I keep so still as to nearly faint from not breathing enough, I close my eyes and meditate during worship, think of things I’ve learned, listen to pastors and mentors more learned than me…

Majority of the time I think I must be on the wrong channel…cause all I ever get is static and I rarely know what exactly it is I am doing wrong. Continue reading →

Can or can’t

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Devotional Blog:

Topic: “Can or Can’t”, 01/02/12, 2 Corinthians 4:16-18

So about the only thing I have been able to take away from this entry was the first sentence where she quotes her son’s favorite coaching quotes.

“Whether you can or you can’t, you are probably right.”

A quick internet showed me that this quote is from Henry Ford. She then proceeds to illustrate the point of believing you can do something even if its hard by using a cheerleading competition her son was participating in. Nice as that is, I cannot relate.

What I can relate with is the feeling of utter anxiety at not being ‘enough’ in ones field, in ones life. What I can relate with is the internal fight to know whether I can or cannot do something. My Ph.D. honestly, utterly destroyed my confidence…my ability to say “I can”. Here and now, nearly two years later I am still struggling with the ability to say, yes I can do it…to know I can do it. Am I good scientist? Yes. Am I an intelligent person? Yes. If I don’t know an answer can I figure out how to answer it? Yes. Easy to say here on this blog. Difficult to live out in real life. Am I the brightest bulb in the batch? According to my previous advisor, no–but he did say I had a lot of energy and that my sheer drive and unwillingness to be said ‘no’ too would be why I would succeed in science. He was great at the ‘backhanded’ compliment. Whenever he encouraged me, I learned to wait for the ‘caveat’…it always came.

Christians have any number of responses for lack of confidence such as this…’cast your cares on God’…’you can do all things through Christ who strengthens you’…I wish words like that encouraged me as much as they seem to encourage them just by the very act of saying them.

The quote is right, in the end its my fault…I’ve said “I can’t” and well…I don’t. I’m learning to say “I can” more. Not to get intimidated, to know that God has given me the disposition and skills to handle a situation–because I can, and not let someone else figure it out.

Therefore we do not lose heart. Though outwardly we are wasting away, yet inwardly we are being renewed day by day. -NIV, 2 Cor 4:16.

Oddly, for me its the opposite. I was in theater for many years, I know how to ‘look’ the part, I know how I am supposed to ‘act’ outwardly. That doesn’t mean I am the same on the inside.  On the inside, often times I am freaking out. I think the essence of this verse though, is to just not give up. I need to learn not to give up on myself.

Short entry…but I’ve nothing more to say.

Tribute to Edgar Allen Poe on his Birthday…

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I wrote this in high school as an English project and figured I would post it as my tribute to Edgar Allen Poe on his birthday, which is today January 19th. It’s a parody of his poem ‘The Raven’. Now it was an English project so I had to copy the meter and style and everything…looking back I think it was a pretty decent job. That and well…I was an odd teenager, I still am odd…just not a teenager anymore. Continue reading →

Dream within a dream

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Devotional Blog:

Topic: “Pretty Good Company”, 12/29/11, John 12: 20-28

Happy Birthday Edgar Allen Poe, Born January 19, 1809. Odd way to start a devotional post complete with topic title and Bible verse by saying happy birthday to a man whose poetry and stories are often of the macabre gothic nature and depressing, but now that I’ve piqued your curiosity, stick with me…

Today’s entry is about walking into the dreams that God has given us in our lives. The visions, the promises, the hopes…and perhaps not getting to see or experience the fruits of our labors, our suffering, our patience. The author (Pam) goes onto to say, ‘you are not alone’. You are not the only one to receive great promises only to never see them come to pass in your lifetime or as Moses did, stand at the border and watch your people walk into the promise led by another man. How heinously frustrating. You do everything you believe God is telling you to do, you walk through the doors, you invest time, faith, money, more time, more faith….you sit and watch as others experience the joy that comes from their dreams or promises coming to pass and you sit. You sit, telling yourself to be patient, telling yourself God has not forgotten you, telling yourself that you want things in God’s timing. Then you look up and you say God WHEN is your timing!!!???  And you cry out…you cry out. Continue reading →

I am a fussy toddler…

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Devotional Blog:

Topic: “Cultivating the quiet”, 01/08/12, Psalm 23: 1-6

Hey…I’m into January in this book…well actually I’m backlogged and still have some blogs from December’s month in the book to write but I kind of just dog-ear them and will get to them, eventually.

Interestingly this one came up. In a previous entry in the book the author had encouraged us to spend our time productively and not waste it and I wrote a blog about how taking moments to ‘space out’ and how valuable that can be for ones mental health. Now in this entry she encourages moments of quiet stating that a ‘quiet heart is a receptive heart’. 1 Peter 3:4 states, pulling from the previous verse–beauty…”should be that of your inner self, the unfading beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which is of great worth in God’s sight.” Pslam 23: 2 states: “He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams…”

Flipping through the book this morning to find an entry dog-earred to write about I came across this and it hit a nerve for me. In the past few weeks my life has taken a tremendous turn. Continue reading →

A womans place is in the home…???

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Devotional Blog:

12/21/11, Topic: “Workers at Home”, Titus 2: 3-5

I’ve heard this verse used to justify a woman’s calling to ‘stay at home’ and raise a family as opposed to being independent and working. I’m not going to say much about this books devotional entry except that I like how the author deals with this and I agree with what she says…amazing given I rarely agree with what she has to say.

Then they can train the younger women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled and pure, to be busy at home, to be kind and to be subject to their husbands, so that no one will malign the world of God. (Titus 2:4-5, NIV).

Now fundamentally I do not disagree with anything in this verse. I do believe that women should love their husbands and children and make them first in their lives. I do believe that women (and men) should practice self control, be kind and be subject to their husbands (or wives). Purity is a subject for another blog but I don’t necessarily disagree with what the verse says about that. And of course there’s the ‘busy at home’. In a previous blog I addressed what ‘home’ is for me…personally, growing up I was never taught that I should aspire to go to college to get my M.R.S. (Mrs.) degree. My parents were always encouraging us to go out there live our lives, get jobs and accomplish our goals and aspirations with no expectation that we should marry and have babies right away…although I know my mother would love to be a grandmother.

I think at one point my mom, when she had my little brother whose 21 years younger than me…she joked that she was tired of waiting for me to have grandbabies for her so she made another of her own.

The author of the devotional, in her studies, found that the definition of ‘busy at home’ is “worker at home”, “a guard of the home; keeper of the home; domestically inclined…” She read more opinions, studies and commentaries about the subject and they all had one common feature, a woman’s heart is at home. Her priorities and heart reflect God and a family focused value system. I can agree with this and not just because it’s ‘convenient’ for me to agree with this because of my life choices.

God can use women same as men in every aspect of life. God is an equal opportunity ‘employer’ and I don’t believe it’s ‘left up to the men’ to do ‘all God’s work’. Yes, God made women to bear children and we have a more natural ‘maternal’ (obviously) disposition which makes us suited to having kids and running a home. And I am not opposed nor ever have been opposed to having kids. I love kids, I’ve just never had a ‘biological clock’. If I have kids, great, if I don’t, I don’t. And I know my own disposition, I’d go nuts from cabin fever if I had to spend 18 years at home only ‘allowed’ to raise my kids and ‘keep house’. I don’t think God intends that. We all have gifts outside the ‘home’ and while my priorities will always be my family, I think its possible and encouraging to have other ‘callings’ as well.

I agree with her when she says:  “Your feet can be anywhere but your heart should be ‘at home’.”

New years notes from a nomad…

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So I don’t believe in resolutions because inevitably its not something that’s kept and its a waste of mind space…so I don’t do them. This year I opted to reflect on last year so I dug into my facebook (timeline is handy for this indeed) as well as some of the other emails, blogs or things that I’ve done to get a feel for last year…

Here are the highlights, anecdotes from my facebook wall, blog, reading, general musings, links etc:

Continue reading →

Where is home?

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Devotional Blog:

Topic: “Home Base”, 12/12/2011, 1 Chronicles 16:43 NIV

So while the devotional entry gave me the idea of this blog…it’s actually got nothing to do with what she wrote in the book and I am citing a different verse. But I have taken her topic title of Home Base because it inspired what I will write about.

“Then all the people left, each for their own home, and David returned home to bless his family.”  ~1 Chronicles 16:43 NIV

Since leaving Hawaii for college I always get the question of “so when are you going home next?” Where are you from? Where is home for you? Everytime I get asked this question it prompts me to ponder about ‘what IS home’ exactly. For me, home has always been where my folks are which over the years has changed locations many times. When we are in school we never think to call our college towns ‘home’–I certainly wouldn’t call Parkland, WA (near Tacoma) home–blech! When I moved to Bozeman, MT at first home was Hawaii…”Are you going home for the holidays?”–”Yes, I am going home.” That was years 1, 2 and 3. Around year 4 and in later years in MT I started noticing a change…”Are you going back to Hawaii for Christmas?”…”Yes, I am going back to spend Christmas with my folks.” Had I decided that Hawaii was no longer my home? Continue reading →

Stream-of-Christmasness

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I started wanting to write this blog based on one of the devotional entries in the book about what would happen if you took the ‘Christ’ out of Christmas. My mind wandered into wikipedia reading about the history of Christmas itself. My mental wanderings continued into various conversations with friends and acquaintances talking about the mesh of pagan and religious traditions mixed into Christmas nowadays. Then of course that leads to the blatant commercialism that Christmas has become. I’ve only to travel 2 minutes by skytrain to see the influence of Christmas in Bangkok, a Buddhist country. Though they don’t officially celebrate the holiday itself by days off work, they encourage gift giving and the market places are bedecked in lights, fake trees, cardboard snowmen and other such holiday decor.

The rest of my mental wanderings are hazy at best and clarified eventually into a deluge of memories–as though I was being visited by the ghost of Christmas past… Continue reading →